Awsome Name - Cant Say Yet
existence is simple now – there is darkness, and there is pain …
it wasn’t always like this though .. I had a life once, out there .. A good life.
son of a shipping merchant along the eastern coasts of latria .. I saw the world from the Prowl of a Ship.
I Supped with Barons and Dukes, as well as Beggars and Thieves all at my Father Side
I danced with Courtesans and Milkmaids alike.
So bright, my memories, seem so washed out with light, that I must squint now even to recall them…. If I can recall them,
I seems to small, the little things that slip away from you at first:
The name of that one girl at the corn festival in Omarah.
The Color of that Big Steam powered Paddlewheel in the Tuncan Harbor.
Where I hid that Silver Cup I stole from that Pompous Ass who we ferried between Tupi and Megella
My Favorite Color ..
My First Kiss ..
My Fathers Name ..
Nothing Lives in the Dark, Nothing Flourishes outside the light of the Sun .. we Merely survive, We must cannibalize who we where, what we where
to survive, to stay sane ..
In the beginning, it was the pain that I feared the most … Sitting on the floor, wallowed in my own filth – Screaming prayers in my head to God to save me.
Railing ageist the guards as they came for me, fighting back, staving it off for a second, a minute … a moment of comfort.
It always came, day after day, they came to us – and hulled us before the Beast.
That twisted little man with the spectacles, his Questions, Endless, meaningless STUPID QUESTIONS!
Where are the Prince's Supply Lines?
- What Prince? … Pain
- No no no .. Which Prince do you Want? .. Pain
- Please, Please .. there more then one prince .. who .. Pain
- Weeping, I don’t know! I DONT KNOW!!
What are the Princes Intentions in Ivolease?
- What’s Ivolease? .. Pain
- Where’s Ivolease, What Prince?
What is Your Middle Name?
- Robert .. Pain
- Robbert!! … Pain
- its Robert, I swear, Robert robert robert! .. pain
- ROBERT!! .. pain
- I don’t Know! .. I DONT KNOW!! .. please, tell me .. tell me!
… I don’t remember my middle name anymore, I want to say Randy .. maybe Roger .. but that’s not right. it doesn’t mater anymore, what do I need a middle name for?
Like I said .. it was in the beginning that it was the pain I feared. I was such a fool
A simple minded dullard of a man, listening to the stories of PoW’s. How hope holds you together, holds you true .. fool
.. it is that hope that burns you deepest
.. Cuts you where no Knife can reach
.. Bleeds you where no Bandage can soak.
Hopes, Dreams, Memories .. Those are the Beasts real tools of pain, his real purpose – He can only destroy your body
only I can destroy my Mind.
I am Edwin Black, I had a life once, a good one – that is all I care to Know…
In the Beginning there where so many of us, How many .. I .. I don’t remember, but the beasts room was full
That may have been the worst times for us, the pain , you feel yourself – but the others, you see what they do to them, you share that pain, that fear with them. Those where that hardest times for me – To watch my broth break down. His face, covered in dirt and blood – the only thing clear where the streaks down his cheeks where the river of tears washed him clear.
Staring into his eyes as they questioned him – seeing him beg me, BEG me to make it stop – to make them understand, he was 9, he didn’t know anything, he was no spy, not saboteur … that cared not, No man.. No woman should see the things I saw, to watch as they would flay him open..
Me, ME .. Take me Id Scream – he’s nothing, he’s just a little boy … it mattered not, they did at they wished.
The Ugly Ones brother broke first, they where working his feet that day … questions, questions … He begged and begged, no , please, stop . Please. Please. Please. Please… They asked him something, something he didn’t know – and he gave them an answer. A Lie, had to be – there’s no way he knew how many man where under the warlords control, but you could see it, see it in his eyes – He died, died inside as we watched him – they broke him, left him barren … and they took him away. Took him away for good.
That’s when the Surgeries started, if you where lucky, they would even knock you out before hand.
They put things inside us, and left us scared..
They started with my arms .. And I was awake … with scapulas and little hooks they peeled back by flesh – laying bare my sinew and bone .. So white, pure and clear in a sea of blood .. And from a jar or slime they took the cords, they weaved them around my muscle and bone – from shoulder to wrist
The beast would whistle while he worked ..
When they started to slip open my hands, I passed out ..
It was not the last, they skinned me again and again – laid their things inside me ..I stopped watching
No man should see his own heart beat ..
It was not just me .. It was all of us, Pulled apart and put back, my body tells the tales of what they did, my mind refuses to recall
In the beginning there were so many of us, but then we started to break
To crumple under the pressure, to submit, to give in …
One by one we broke, one by one we submitted, one by one the took us away.
We are but 4 now .. We Sad pathetic Few, We are the last ..